Star Wars (Spoilers!)

"BorkBorkBjork" (tbirdlemons) 12/28/2015 at 09:22 • Filed to: None

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Ok, I saw it...

And I am not happy.

J.J. Abrams did what he always did, a friggin remake of the (superior) original, just like with Star Trek/Wrath of Khan.

You like scrappy orphans on desert planets, just you wait!

Cantina scenes? Gotta have those!

Oh, Lets kill Han Solo unexpectedly, just like Obi-Wan!

Remember the Death Star, well this thing is, like, waaaaay bigger than that! (They LITERALLY COMPARED THEM SIDE BY SIDE).

Lets fly down a trench and blow it up! But we better make sure someone one the inside destroys/disables the shield generator first (granted, this was taken from Return of the Jedi)!

And wasn’t Captain Phasma supposed to be some kind of badass? Did she even fire her weapon once? I don’t remember it. And how the hell do you just take her prisoner by holding a gun to her head and get away with it? Doesn’t she have a radio in her helmet, like every other friggin Storm Trooper? JUST CALL YOUR BUDDIES AND TELL THEM TO TURN THE SHIELD BACK ON!

Oh and fucking shoot me with that damn ending scene. Thirty second circling helicopter shot? What is this, the Hobbit? And why the fuck did they have a map to Luke Skywalker? That means that, at some point during his grief and disillusion, he sat down and drew a fucking treasure map to his destination before setting off to hide away from the world. That’s a pathetic way to progress the plot.

I REALLY tried to like it, but it had too much fan service and copied too much from A New Hope. I wanted a PROGRESSION OF THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE. I didn’t get it.

ciscokidinsf > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 09:39

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Yeah, agree 100% on Phasma being useless.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 09:51

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My biggest complaint was how it deviated so much from the original movies (SINCE WHEN ARE STORM TROOPERS ACTUAL PEOPLE!?), and it pales in comparison to the originals. However, it was much better than the prequels and a very good movie in its own right.

My hovercraft is full of eels > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 09:53

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I mostly agree with you. All I hear on the internet is how good FA was, and I’m like... meh.

Do not misunderstand me, I think it was a pretty good movie, and I don’t mind the small plot loopholes like the one you mentioned with the radio. In addition, I was certain that Ep. VII wont’t be nearly as good as the original trilogy, but far better than the prequels - and this is the case.

But I couldn’t help noticing that they essentially re-shot A New Hope for the millenial generation. The plot is 80% the same, only with more/bigger explosions, a bigger Death Star (oh kids, look how big it is - we put them next to each other like in some stupid commercial), loads of flashy CGI, and a female + black lead. BTW, I have no problem with the latter. I think, Daisy Ridley and John Boyega did a great job, and are definitely some of the best things about Ep. VII.

And then there are the jokes... At the beginning, when the stormtroopers raid the village, I was like: “god, if the whole movie will be as dark and tense as this, I’m gonna love this one”. But then come the funny scenes, like when BB-8 gives a thumbs up, the whole theatre breaks outh in laughter, and I’m sitting there with face in my palms.

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 09:54

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It was a perfect transition to the new characters

With-a-G is back to not having anything written after his username > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 10:03

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Um, hey: It’s a kids’ movie. It has never been the place of Star Wars to be “hard SF” or to cover all plot holes and have well-nuanced characters. It’s Flash Gordon space opera.

It made me feel like a kid, so it did

its job.

With-a-G is back to not having anything written after his username > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 12/28/2015 at 10:04

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Pretty sure since the end of the clone wars the imperial storm troopers were real people.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 10:16

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Well it is clearly an homage to the OT, but I think is is the best movie of the bunch.

Autophile412 - what's the world got in store? > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 12/28/2015 at 10:31

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The Empire began taking “recruits” after the Clone Wars to supplement their need for pawns.

Brian, The Life of > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 10:41

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My take was this movie will hum once the next one comes out because then it will make better sense. Episode IV is really the only Star Wars movie that can stand alone, largely because Lucas didn’t know if he would be able to make any more of them.

Sneaky Pete > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 11:17

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I like how Kylo Ren is this super badass dark knight that can stop a blaster shot mid-air but struggles in a lightsaber duel with a former stormtrooper with no force powers who’s just picked up a lightsaber for the first time about 7 minutes prior.

Then he gets beaten by a girl that miraculously learned how to use the force about an hour before.

That’s my biggest gripe.

Beating the viewers over the head with the Third Reich Nazi/First Order parallel with the subtlety of a wampa claw to the dome was also a significant annoyance.

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 12/28/2015 at 11:50

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Han Solo trained at the imperial academy and Luke wanted to go there too

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Sneaky Pete 12/28/2015 at 11:54

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Finn definitely had some close combat training as a stormtrooper.

Kylo was injured by chewie earlier in that scene. Rey is clearly very strong with the Force, but also seemed very proficient with a staff/sword from having survived like 14 years by herself

Sneaky Pete > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua 12/28/2015 at 12:05

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You’re REALLY reaching on that first point.

I’ll give Rey the ability to wield a saber, but there’s no way she should’ve been able to easily beat Kylo Ren. He’s had years of training in both the force and in lightsaber skills. Being shot by Chewie doesn’t make either of those disappear. Luke was pummeled by flying junk at Cloud City and was still able to fight off Vader til he chopped Luke’s hand off.

BorkBorkBjork > With-a-G is back to not having anything written after his username 12/28/2015 at 12:06

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Oh don’t give that “Just turn your brain off and enjoy it!” crap. I didn’t have to turn my brain off to enjoy the original trilogy, or even Episode 3. Hell, I didn’t have to turn my brain off to enjoy Pacific Rim, and that movie was DUMB.

And Star Wars has NEVER been Science Fiction, it’s Fantasy set in space with rescued princesses, mythical knights, magical wizards, and good and evil forces. The only thing its missing was some kind of giant tentacle monster in the moat of an evil fortress. Oh, wait...

BorkBorkBjork > ciscokidinsf 12/28/2015 at 12:09

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That really pissed me off. I friggin love strong female characters, and I wanted Phasma to be a badass. They didn’t even de-mask her and show that she was really a woman, even though the voice gave it away.

BorkBorkBjork > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 12/28/2015 at 12:17

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That didn’t bother me, I even like the PTSD’d/disillusioned Stormtrooper scene. But how can you justify his willingness to mow down all those troopers in the hanger? They made sure you knew these guys (although heavily conditioned) were NOT genetically engineered clones, and that they had regular duties outside of being cannon fodder. Finn worked sanitation, assuming he wasn’t scrubbing toilets 24/7 he must have had some down time to hang out with all of the other First Order lackeys. He even VISIBLY lost his will to fight when one of his fellow troopers got blasted by a bunch of rebels. If he is so war-weary that he disobeyed an order to gun down the same rebels that JUST SHOT HIS COMRADE, then how can he bring himself to kill the people he called friends mere minutes ago?

That is just shitty storytelling.

BorkBorkBjork > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua 12/28/2015 at 12:20

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It was a perfect for getting toys into the store by Christmas, and that’s it.

BorkBorkBjork > Brian, The Life of 12/28/2015 at 12:58

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And that doesn’t disapppoint you? The plan now is to make a new Star Wars movie EVERY YEAR, do you think they are going to truly explain everything in the next one? Or the next after that? It is a money-making factory, and they are never going to wrap up the story.

BorkBorkBjork > Sneaky Pete 12/28/2015 at 13:05

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Exactly. The force is what makes the Lightsaber a viable weapon in the Star Wars Universe. Without the ability to predict your agressors future moves, you stand no chance.

yitznewton > BorkBorkBjork 12/28/2015 at 13:27

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My overall impression was, darker than 4-6, same old jokes and megaweapon plot lines are getting old. There’s room for some character development upcoming, although Finn didn’t have much integrity.

Brian, The Life of > BorkBorkBjork 12/29/2015 at 10:46

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No, not really. The franchise has been that way since Episode V. It’s sort of the M.O.